Ashram in Quebec. ´08´24

7th of August, 20246 a.m. sunrise at Babaji's Ashram in Quebec

Second day of my moon cycle.

I was fasting and observing silence yesterday, as per the request of my guru, feeling very privileged to be here and be able to witness all this.

The spirit of the lake is calm and serene.

I found the courage to swim yesterday.

Maybe I can do that today, too.

There is a pending invitation from Self-Realization Fellowship to join a silent retreat from the 15th to the 18th of August, or the following weekend.

It is interesting to observe how quickly I took the decision to come here, acting immediately.

But there is some resistance present when it comes to Lake Shrine.

It has nothing to do with Master Yogananda, as I trust him and follow his teachings, but the pledge and organization—it feels like something is off.

Maybe other forces are interfering.

Hard to say.

I am very grateful that Satchitananda took the time to read yesterday's letter.

It seems like not a big deal since my Guru speaks to me regularly, but it's a different thing when you share it with another human, especially if he is self-realized.

I don’t know why God decided that I get to hang out with self-realized masters all the time.

Absolute trust in the Creator.

Fear is still present within me.

The invisible world is behind a veil, and memories of torment, tortures, and evil spirits—I am uncertain whether they are evil.

After all, all is God—are still swimming under my skin.

As time passes, my integration continues.

There are no nightmares.

I sleep well.

I study diligently and continue working on myself and all my relationships.

I worry about Lila at times.

Her dad cannot handle himself and forgets that she is a little child.

I feel bad.

It feels like I left her in the hands of a person who is hurting her, while I escaped.

That is why I left him.

Now he is taking out his frustration on her.

I chose myself and my Guru for now.

I am convinced that it was the right decision.

I cannot control other people, places, or things.

I can only control my behavior.

I am the best mother I know how to be in this moment of time, and I trust that by becoming how God intends for me to be, my outer reality will alter itself towards my new state of consciousness.

The best thing I can do for the world and myself is to continue working on myself—eliminating my vices, working on my character, and tempering my ego.

There is slight concern within me about the home situation and financial situation.

It is fear-driven, I am aware.

I choose to trust the universe and help as much as I can.

Others who are less privileged than I am.

It is the right thing to do.

It feels like Oskar Schindler today.

I need nothing.

I am here and now—a calm lake and the beauty of the sun in front of me, my master's loving eyes right behind me.

I am practicing yoga, and life is beautiful.

It is 6:24 a.m., and it is Wednesday, August 7, 2024.

I regret throwing away the two journals in Ibiza.

I was angry.

I am very grateful for the holiday with my daughter.

It showed me that my maternal instinct has not fully recovered yet and that it was the right decision to let her go with her dad.

It hurts a bit that I cannot be a better mom now, but God has other plans.

I follow.

I trust myself completely.

I continue to correct my mistakes.

It's a work in progress.

It feels great to be without the phone.

Maybe today is a good day to send some emails that would move me a few steps forward while I am working on myself here.

I miss Lila.

It feels like I need this time to recover.

Yoga makes me very happy.

Physical movement does.

I am getting my homework done.

Yesterday, I finished Naval.

Today, I shall start Elisabeth Haich.

Not speaking helps.

It feels like I wish to stay here the whole month and not go to L.A..

God knows best, and He knows where and when to send me.

The world is adjusting itself as we speak.

There is only here and now.

If I choose not to go this time, I'll never know.

It's not about Master Yogananda.

The feeling during Convocation was strong, but this is about Los Angeles, and checking it off my list.

It's about Alo Gym, Chateau Marmont, and Hollywood.

And working as a consultant.

So funny.

I am consulting for the Heavens right now.

I am still drawn toward that because I am spoiled and love to live in a very high standard.

I'd rather do that in Europe, to be honest.

Maybe my attention should be shifted toward Lake Como or Switzerland.

Hard to say.

France is also calling.

Portugal.

I wish I was able to plan better.

How am I going to squeeze all this into my life?

How can I create more wealth in order to be able to help more?

It's half a million dollars to build an ashram.

I could have built 10 by now if I hadn't been as stupid and reckless in the past.

Crypto markets are dancing their dance.

All that I have is working there.

There is no doubt in me that Bitcoin will be worth a fortune and that one only needs to trust.

Maybe I should do an auction with my jewelry to support the building of the ashram and stop being so selfish all the time.

Maybe it's a good moment to take a breath and think clearly.

I am going to give all my time to Kriya.

I know I gave a promise not to work until March next year.

Why am I so stubborn and have to keep it?

I change my mind all the time.

Maybe I'll take some steps toward creating my brand and some accountability.

Maybe I can write some more and publish some more.

I have beautiful photos taken and a lot of material in writing.

Opportunity will come to me and present itself.

All I need to do is trust.

God has a plan, and I am here, fully surrendered.

It is a good moment to write something to Satchitananda, because I am here and now, and today is Wednesday.

Communication is on point.

Thank you, Master Babaji, for allowing this flow on paper.

The sound of the pen calms me down, and I know You will guide my every step.