Patience and discipline - how to overcome moods.

Make one decision to eliminate 1,000 decisions.

Timing is more important than time.

I changed my name. 

Do I feel any difference?

The day unfolds in mood swings. 

Is it the influence of sugar? What is the universe trying to tell me?

Do I want to go to Poznań?

Why do I not care in this moment?

I want to read and write.

How am I ever going to produce anything if I continue to jump like this?

I wish to practice, yes, but I am not doing it.

Mind wants more.

Body is just craving nonstop.

What is happening?

Dear God, whatever it is that You are trying to show me, please be more specific.

If it is because I did not sit for meditation? 

I do not want to continue.

All is perfect, as is.

My breath is calming me down.

It is just an emotional cascade that, for someone with my level of brightness, knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence, is pretty pathetic.

As of today, I do not feel like spending time with my family.

I wish to be alone or with my Guru or with my partner.

My daughter is with her dad, and what I am writing here sounds pathetic.

I can do better than that.

Get your shit together.

There is no time for compassion now.

I am a human.

This statement seems false.

I should be reading.

I do not have to go anywhere.

I can invite my dad here tomorrow.

I am going to be in the presence of the most amazing teacher on Monday at the latest.

This is what I chose.

This is what I wanted—accepting myself as I am.

All the changes are.

Wait and just breathe.

I have faith.

I feel more compassion towards the birds than towards myself.

I am angry and sad and disappointed.

Emotions are arising in this vehicle I am in.

What is it about?

It is only a moment in time.

Hawkins scale should get me out of it.

Is it because systems are not in place?

Did I miss something?

Is there guidance trying to tell me something?

It is the first of August, 2024, and I am alive.

The only appropriate thing to say is:

Thank You, God.

There are books that I got for my mother.

Do I really want to see my family now?

No.

It is complicated family dynamics.

I wonder if the name change might have something to do with this.

What am I rambling about?

Seven months of this year are gone, and what have I achieved?

Nothing.

God did it all, for sure.

Let's summarize so I can feel better about myself.

I trusted more and more.

I know how to write better because I am better.

I spent holidays with Lila and learned a lot about her and myself.

I won a court case in Turkey.

I traveled the world.

I started a relationship that is getting better and better.

I invested all my money.

I let go of a home in Ibiza.

I allowed myself to be loved and taken care of.

I completed nine months of Self-Realization Fellowship lessons.

I worked on new friendships.

I became more true to myself, and as a result, more true to others.

I lost and gained weight.

I became a better mother.

I practiced a lot of Kriya Yoga.

I did a new course and met new Kriya Masters.

I fell in love with yoga and tested many teachers.

This list is okay, but not great.

Sadhana can only be performed while on Earth.

I didn’t know that.

Now I know.

Patience and discipline.